Another week, another high profile murder, another broken heart. I have spent time reading about the details in the Breonna Taylor case, observing the countless ways that the system permitted these events to even occur. So many of these things required oversight. So many laws needed to be upheld. So many elements that required attention to detail, before the officers even showed up at her door.
I’ve been reading urgently, but I have spent more time in mental motion. Akin to treading water in active seas. It’s a faint hope that the movement will keep me from submerging into an ocean of grief. I rest in small increments, while the pace of life demands focus and effort I can’t seem to muster.
I celebrated my 39th birthday this week. During my work day I took a break to step outside and gaze at the cloudless blue sky. Strangely, I started to think about Rodney King. Then, I thought about Sean Bell. I thought about Amadou Diallo, my mental musical encyclopedia calling up Wyclef Jean’s mournful tune “Diallo.”
These are just the cases that come to mind immediately. These are just some of the stories that have made an impact on me in my lifetime. What other murders are more prominent for others? Which ones leave a lasting mark on their mind? I stared at the sky, knowing that just one of these is too many. That just one of these incidents leaves a mark on the body, and soul, as well as the mind.
I grabbed my phone and tried to write a poem, but I didn’t have the strength.
The next day, I tried to write a rap verse, but the anger overtook me.
All I could hold onto was the words of others.
I made a playlist a few weeks ago to surround my new song Amplify. The song urges the dominant society to listen to the voices of those crying out for justice. The playlist frames my song amongst the many many tunes I’ve listened to over the years that embody that same cry.
Listening to Black musical voices has been so edifying -- enlightening me to the emotional weight of this struggle. It’s my deepest desire that our culture would use these songs as an entry point for empathy. The hurting are longing for agents of healing. Our world is groaning for connection. My heart breaks for the people who are ready to fight in this moment instead of reaching out a hand of love.
I’m grateful for the leaders who can raise their voice in this time when I can’t. I’m grateful for the artists who continue to name the emotional struggle we are facing. My spirit has been singing the words of Ms. Lauryn Hill all week.
“I find it hard to say that everything’s alright.” - Ms. Lauryn Hill
I’ve been listening to these songs. I pray you do too. They are not easy messages, but please let them sink in, and cry out in prayer.
“But we’re already down, we’re down on the ground. With the system on our neck we can barely make a sound.” - Aubrey Norohna
“Racist media and mayor gon’ treat our dead like their pawns. Never forget when cops placed their hands on the homie John. Removing supervision for all the times they do wrong. Removing programs and then place the blame on our songs.” - Joshua “Scribe” Watkiss
“I got a name that’ll scare all the brave in the land of the free. All in the name of protecting a country that’s shooting its citizens dead in the streets.” - Oddisee
“Time heals all, but you’re out of time now.” - Anderson. Paak
“I recall when I was small, like 1999, it was ‘Hands in your pocket. Everyone’s watching. I know they do it but that’s not an option. Show caution — don’t let it show though. Keep up your grades. Clean up your fade. Make ‘em all laugh. Take a seat and behave. You need to be brave, but still afraid.’” - Shad
“Okay, cops killed a n***a and you more mad at me for saying n***a than the cop that killed 'em.” - Derek Minor
“To my folks on the picket line: don’t stop til you change they mind. I got love for my folks baptized when the levy broke.” - Erykah Badu
“Yeah, go for broke for the ones that are broken. Yeah, please don't make me no hashtag or slogan.” - Tobe Nwigwe
“If I were you I would appropriate us too.” - Propaganda
“So when you look at me and all you see is an eyesore, apparently I’m worth enough for Christ to die for. Lies, when you say you don’t see colour. These brothers mean well but when you say that we shudder.” - Nomis
“My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’ These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.” (Psalm 42: 3-5)
(Click on the Spotify logo to open the full playlist)